Updated: Sep 1
Just Simply Saying By Rhoda Whitfield
“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife and the two shall be one flesh.” Genesis 2:24 (KJV)
The scripture states that the two shall be one flesh. Not just one in purpose alone, but one in soul, spirit, physical intimacy, goals, and mindset as they move forward together in love and life. Disobeying this scripture will cause irreparable consequences within the union of a husband and wife. When a husband and wife have separate dreams and goals, this can sometimes tear a marriage apart. It is okay to have individual goals that you want to accomplish if your spouse supports you in it. However, it is very helpful when a couple can share a vision together. Then you can both work hard to achieve it. It will be difficult to fulfill the vision if your spouse is not in agreement with you. Therefore, a husband and wife should be "on the same page" and work together to achieve common goals.
A husband and wife must understand that they are married and therefore need to act differently than when they were single. They must understand that their actions will affect each other. When you are a single person, you can have your own goals, ambitions, visions, etc. However, when you get married, you need to mesh those visions and goals with the visions and goals of your spouse. Now you need to have a vision for you as a couple, and not just as an individual. Couples need to discuss these questions, where do we want to be in our lives as we grow together in 5, 10, 15, and 20 years? What do we want to accomplish as a couple?
Marriage is not a pastime in that you cannot pick and choose whether or not you desire to work at it. Your marriage will require work daily. It will take work to hold a marriage together. In conversations, I have often mentioned that, “Cinderella” sends a false message out to people that marriage is a fairy tale with a happy ever after ending. It’s quite the opposite. If you aren’t careful, at the first sign of a disagreement, things can begin to spiral out of control, and you will feel as though you are in “A Nightmare on Elm Street.”
Is your marriage going to be free of disagreements? Absolutely not! Becoming one will cause some bumps and bruises because the couple is now on the potter’s wheel being molded and meshed into one mind, body and soul. Yet, through all of the challenges a couple might experience throughout the course of marriage, they must continue to be mindful that God ordained marriage. He is not the author of confusion, He is about unity, and He doesn’t expect your marriage to end in divorce. God said that only death will part us. Satan, our enemy, has no concern for marriage. He gets pleasure when there is discord in our homes, and his major focus is division. I can’t begin to emphasize the importance for a husband and wife, to develop the ability to recognize the enemy when he is trying to infiltrate their home and destroy their marriage. The enemy is capable of taking the smallest disagreement and will cause you to feel there is no hope for your marriage. The next thing you know, you and your spouse are in divorce court with irreconcilable differences.
In your marital walk, you and your spouse need to merge your hearts into one. One heart beat should be your continuous goal. Yet, becoming one is not accomplished overnight; it’s a process that needs to be attended to daily. To develop oneness in a marriage, God has to be the foundation, and the couple needs to walk together in His Spirit. In order to understand God’s purpose for marriage, we have to look to the beginning when He instituted marriage between a man and woman, and why. There are three main ingredients in His plan for marriage - leave, cleave, and become one flesh. Leaving and cleaving merely develops a sense of loyalty to our spouses; being faithful at all times, keeping ourselves only unto each other, and loving each other unconditionally. When we cleave to our spouses, we develop bonds that will eventually glue us together mentally, physically, and spiritually. When we cleave to our spouses, we become inseparable. Cleaving to our spouses does not leave any openings to run away at the sight of trouble. God did not promise us marriages free of problems or misunderstandings. This is because a marriage includes two imperfect people trying to blend their imperfect lives.
When we are joined in holy matrimony, we can no longer continue the lifestyles we once lived. Meaning, we have to recognize that we are now someone’s husband or wife, and we can’t live a so called married-single life. Marriage is a sacred covenant in the sight of God. Developing a spirit of oneness with your spouse requires you to involve every aspect of your life, indeed your whole being. You and your spouse have to be connected physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Becoming one will require you to:
• Put forth the effort necessary to be the husband and wife that God expects you to be
• Work daily at blending your personalities
• Spend quality time together
• Forgive and ‘fight’ fairly
• Listen to each other
• Pray for each other and with each other
• Communicate and be open and honest
• Make decisions without selfish motives
• Love each other unconditionally
These attributes are not obtained instantly. Husbands and wives should be passionate about the success of their marriage. My husband and I have been married for thirty-five years, and we still have to work every day to maintain what God ordained for us as a couple to fulfill. Your marriage is sacred. God has placed a charge upon your marriage that is not to be compromised. The ultimate fulfillment of this charge is until death do us part. I pose this question quite frequently when I speak with people regarding marriage. What determines the fate of a marriage? The answer is quite simple. It boils down to your relationship with God. If there is no connection with the one who made you, how can you connect with someone else for a lifetime? Having a true connection with God allows us to be led by the Holy Spirit and not our carnal minds. God serves as the glue that holds a husband and wife together through the challenging times and sustains the covenant made between them.