Single, Saved and Fabulous…Enjoying the Single Life
She's been a purpose-driven woman for more than 10 years—a writer, health advocate, international speaker, and a licensed pharmacist—she is truly a dynamic woman of God. The author of Single, Saved, and Horny, a popular blog that has sparked the attention of singles from across the globe, Lorneka Joseph is enjoying being single, celebrating life, and thanking God for every moment.
The instant I was greeted by Lorneka’s energetic voice, I could tell this was going to be an amazing interview. I could feel an array of sunshine as a spirit of joy joined us on the phone line. But, behind the joy was a story. A story of a broken young girl who through God, blossomed into a bold and courageous woman—SINGLE, SAVED and FABULOUS.
It was a cold winter day in January. The year was 2005. On a flight from the Bahamas to the United States sat a scared and wounded young lady who had recently lost her mom to multiple sclerosis. With tears rolling down her eyes, only $206.00 in her pocket, and two suitcases, the life Lorneka Joseph once knew was shifting right before her eyes. Molested for three years by a family member, Lorneka dealt with rejection at an early age. The absence of her father left her in a continual search for validation and in a state of self-blame. There were times she felt she was the reason the guys she dated broke it off. Lies from the enemy lead her to believe she was never going to get a man. That she was the reason her father and stepfather didn’t want to deal with her. All the blame pointed to her. The compliments she received from guys telling her how beautiful she was, the interest they showed to make her their wife, the visits to meet their parents, none of that mattered. It just wasn’t enough. Something was missing. Taunted by feelings of emptiness Lorneka was faced with making a decision. Was she going to continue to let her thoughts and feelings dictate her future or was she going to do something about it? Determined to be an overcomer, she chose the latter. Along with that decision, Lorneka faced a moment of truth. Not only did she realize she wasn’t ready to be in a relationship but she was not ready to be anything because she was so broken.
Flying to an unfamiliar place to be reunited with her dad, who she had not seen since she was a little girl, Lorneka made a deal with God. She said, “God, if you fix me from being depressed, suicidal, and empty I am going to keep my legs closed. I vow to be celibate until I get married. “ Little did she know this statement and the pain of losing her mom was the birthing ground for all of her academic success. Lorneka set out on a mission. She vowed to herself, not to allow anyone to be misled or misdiagnosed because of their position or lack of education. This willpower is what drew her to medicine. But beneath the determination, there was still a broken vessel.
Being Made Whole:
“I told God, I was sick and tired of being sick and tired,” says Lorneka. After joining an apostolic church that believed in healing and deliverance she started fasting and praying to receive healing for herself. “In addition, to the Word, I took part in my own deliverance. I cried out to God. I wanted to love what I saw in the mirror.” To avoid being distracted, she started mentoring and became active in her church as well as the community.
Even as she embraced her own healing, deliverance, and celibacy, the life of being single, saved, and fabulous came at a cost. As she reflects back, she explained that it was the ability to take herself out of the picture and give herself completely to God that allowed her to be an overcomer. She got to know herself and recognized what would put her in harm’s way with the enemy. She knew there were some things she just couldn’t allow a man to do. “I knew the plans God had for me and the only way God would fulfill those plans is if I did what His word required me to do. Which meant, no compromising,” Lorneka shares with PDWM.
“If a guy asked me to go out and I knew there were things that did not line up with the things I have already asked God for, I wouldn’t go. So this meant I did not go out on dates. I feel as women, the more dating we do, the more of our emotions and soul we give, and we become empty. It is a waste of time and purpose. When you can do doing something else,” Lorenka shares with PDWM.
Has she been lonely? Yes, but she had to realize that there is a difference between being lonely and isolated. “Being by yourself is one thing but isolating yourself when you are weak is something totally different and it is not good, so I set boundaries,” says Lorneka. When asked what has kept her during her celibacy walk with Christ, she said, that deciding not to go out late at night, having accountability partners, and a mentor is what helped her along the way. “I really started going after God and getting to know myself. These are the things that have kept me in my celibacy walk and from the everyday challenges that single women face. I think about when he is coming, but I do not stay there. Instead, I confess scriptures over my life to encourage myself.”
“The Bible says that the flesh is weak so going out too late night movies or inviting him over to your house, is giving the enemy room to set you up for failure. The flesh is a mess, especially if you are broken and vulnerable. The enemy knows you better than yourself.” So Lorneka made up her mind. “Don’t play with my hair, don’t touch my body, and don’t do those things like that because I know they will make me fall prey to harm’s way. You have to flee from sexual immorality. Be real with yourself. Not dealing with those childhood issues like rejection and abandonment will lead you to make bad decisions.”
Although it has been a struggle Lorneka is still a virgin but this wasn’t always an easy confession to make. “There was a time when I was ashamed and felt like maybe I should have gone all the way or I should have done what they wanted me to do. I felt like I had missed something. But something was just in me, even when I was not born again, that would not allow me to live that way.”
Lorenka goes on to say, “The bible says our ear gates are the windows to our souls so what we listen to, watch, post, and comment are devices that the enemy uses to hinder us and cripple us while being single. Think about the music you listen to. What are you watching on television? For example, if you are just getting out of a relationship and you know you were sexually active it is not beneficial for you to listen to sexual perverted music when you know you struggle with sexual sins. If you are not there spiritually yet, you need to get rid of the things that will cause you to fall. So change what you watch. I’m not saying that you have to watch the gospel channel every day but you do need to get to a place where you have less of the world and more of the Word.”
Now ten years later, currently residing in the state of Florida, Lorneka Joseph has received her Doctor of Pharmacy degree from Florida A&M University, became a certified HIV/AIDS 500/501 counselor, a host of a monthly talk show, and the Founder of the Single Saved and Fabulous movement. Her purpose is clear: To help restore not just women but men and the entire family, to restore their mind, body, and soul for perfect use. Her ministry is not all about health. She believes that you cannot be an effective wife, leader, mother, or person if your mind is not right, your body is not in divine health, and your soul is not born again. These things go together.
After realizing God had given her victory she prayed and was lead to share her success. Her mission is to give women practical tips on how to enjoy their life while being single. “There are so many conferences and so many books that we have on this issue, but I think that women are looking for more than just another conference or another book. Women are looking for something that is really going to shift their lives and take them out of that place of being miserable, angry, and bitter,” says Lorneka. And she is doing just that, traveling all around the world sharing her story. The Single Saved and Fabulous movement started last October and has been thriving ever since. So many doors of opportunity have opened for her. Like a butterfly out of its cocoon, Dr. Lorneka hasn’t even scratched the surface of what God has in store for her all because she surrendered. There is definitely more to come! But until then she is excited about her husband, her children, and LIFE!
Dr. Lorneka’s Words of Wisdom
Get to know yourself
Who are you outside of your title, when the weave is off when you are home alone? You must go back to the Word to know who you are. If a car breaks down, you must go to the manual to know how to fix the problem. God created us so ask God about who we are. Ask God who he has created us to be. We ask our parents, our pastor, social media. Yet we go to other people asking them who we are and they describe us in these terms yet we don’t even know who we are. Ask God who you are.
Healing and deliverance
Begin to pray. Develop a prayer life to get to know God. Get in a relationship with Him. Get into a faith-based church that will help you to understand who God really is. This will help you to heal and get rid of the past things that have hurt you. If you cannot talk to someone in your church find someone like a counselor to talk to about your issue. Whether it’s an issue with lying, masturbation, not knowing who your parents are, and you know it is preventing you from becoming who you are created to be, you have to talk it out and that’s where the healing process will begin.
Why do you get angry when a man talks to you? Is it because you have a submission problem, do you have issues with control? It has to do with your past. Take the time to recognize those triggers. This will help you get to the root of your pain.
Get around other like-minded people
Surround yourself with like-minded people. Study the women in the bible. Get with people that are heading in a similar direction, you all have something in common.
Find an accountability partner.
An accountability partner is someone who does not tolerate your sin but loves you while you are going through. They love you to the place where you are trying to go. They hold you accountable. They do not tolerate sin in your life. They hold you accountable for what you said you wanted to do in your life. They are like an angel on your shoulder, a God representative in your life.
3 Tips on being Single Saved and Fabulous
Accept where you are and be comfortable with it. Accept that you are single. Be confident
Enjoy life. There is so much to do. Network, join a cooking class, mingle, and develop relationships. Don’t sit at home all the time.-.enjoy your life!
Stay connected to God and create the life that you want.
Remember, you cannot walk away from the Word of God. You need to have a prayer life where you are open with God. Stay on your calling, and success will come. Pour out yourself to God.
Written by Kimi Johnson
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